Obsessed With PBS: Downton Abbey, S6, Part One

OK. Let’s just cut right to the most important thing that happened in the first episode of the final season of Downton Abbey: Mrs. Patmore running “marital relations talk” interference between Carson and Mrs. Hughes. I could just watch Mrs. P stumble through various euphemisms and subtle sex hints for the entire show. See, Mrs. Hughes confesses her hesitancy at setting a wedding date with Carson because she doesn’t want to “disappoint him”. “Perhaps you can keep the lights off,” says Mrs. P but Hughes wants her to ask Carson what he’ll want marriage-wise. Bless Mrs. Patmore because she does ask Carson “the terms in which he intends to live” but he doesn’t catch on. It hits on Try #2 after Mrs. P has to physically turn away from him in order to say it. (“That’s it. I think we got there.”) Carson clarifies that he does want a true marriage in the full sense because he could “never live a pat-a-cake friendship lie”. (Mental note: Put “Not looking for Pat-A-Cake Friendship Lie” in my OKCupid profile.) Mrs. P relays that to Hughes and the marriage will go forward! “That was an awkward mission for you,” says Carson to Mrs. Patmore. Yes, but wonderful for us.

And some other stuff happens to other characters.

The episode starts off with a hunting party. Mary is no longer riding side-saddle because she is a modern gal. So modern that her other “no longer riding side saddle” activities with Tony Gillingham at a Liverpool hotel last season brought the greedy, blackmailing hotel maid. She threatens to destroy Mary in the papers if she doesn’t get one thousand pounds pay off money. Mary rightly says go away. Then Blackmailing Maid lies to Mrs. Hughes to get to see Mary in her bedroom. Mary once again says go away. Blackmailing Maid shows up a third time and bullies her way into waiting for Mary in the library with Lord Grantham. Mary returns to find LG giving Blackmailing Maid a check and sending her on her way. She told LG everything. But since LG has been living Downton Abbey along with the rest of us, he wasn’t as phased as he might have been in the past…say around Pamuk time. (Take a drink! Pamuk reference!)   “Since you’re a widow…” he says or something like that. Mary says she wanted to try Gillingham out. “I’d rather be alone than with the wrong man.” WORD, Mary.  Then LG reveals he only gave Blackmailing Maid fifty pounds AND had her sign a confession that she was blackmailing Mary. Thank you, TV Character, for learning some new tricks. The scene ends with LG telling his daughter that she will be great as Branson’s replacement as the estate’s agent.

There was a Branson and Sybbie reference! Later there was a Lady Rose reference! Somewhere Shrimpie is feeling left out.

Since this first episode is all about wrapping things up already, someone confessed to the murder of Mr. Green so Anna is free! Great, right? Nope. Because Anna can’t have kids. Because Anna and Bates can’t be happy. Because someone name Bates pushed Julian Fellowes off a swing when he was little or something. At least, LG opened some champagne for an impromptu Our Staff Aren’t Murderers soiree in the kitchen. I guess they stocked up on the bubbly the first time a Bates in their house was cleared of murder. The way things are going, they should ration it out.

For you shippers out there, Moseley and Baxter danced at the party. Also, Sgt. Willis who delivered the good news danced with Mrs. Patmore. WHAT ARE THE TERMS IN WHICH YOU INTEND TO LIVE, WILLIS?

On other love fronts, Lord Merton tries to cozy up to Isobel at the Hospital Meeting. Isobel was not having it because she was too focused on her power struggle with the Dowager Countess. You see the county wants to take over the village hospital and DC thinks this is a bad idea. Isobel thinks it will give them access to better care. She should know because she’s the hospital some-word-that-she-kept-saying-she-was. (This is where I give the disclaimer that I don’t have a DVR anymore and couldn’t run it back to catch the job title. Some sort of hospital administrator.)  Anyway, much to my heart’s delight, Isobel still comes over to DC’s for some tea and some snark later on (“Does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?” DC says to Isobel).

Speaking of DC and her house, the Dowager tells Denker, her lady’s maid, that Downton may down-size its staff. But don’t say anything. Of course, Denker goes straight to Downton and tells the staff about the layoffs. Thomas is worried that it’ll be him. Then Denker tells DC’s butler, Sprat, that he’s the expendable one there. DC gets her revenge on Denker’s loose lips by letting it slip that she’ll be missed. “Sometimes it’s good to rule by fear,” says the Dowager Countess. I’ve missed you, Maggie.

What else did I learn from Episode One? Downsizing is going to be a big theme this season. LG’s friend, Sir John, sold his estate and is having an auction. He essentially says to Lord Grantham “YOU’RE NEXT.” Sad thing about this sale is that it is where Mr. Mason has his farm. He may lose it but nothing is decided yet. But Daisy confronts the new owner at the auction and he’s so insulted that he may let Mr. Mason go out of spite. Meanwhile, Edith can’t decide whether to stay at Downton or try her luck living fulltime in the flat that Gregson left to her in London. I believe I said to the television, “Go to London!” Hopefully, she heard me.