This season on Downton Abbey:
GRUMPY OLD MEN Starring Lord Grantham and Carson
Don’t know if everyone has caught on yet but this season’s theme is all about “The Times They Are A-Changin'”. And LG and Carson think it’s an outrage! Take for instance, Carson forbids anyone to visit Isobel’s because she employs Ethel the former prostitute. Or how LG bursts into a ladies luncheon because of Ethel the cooker with a heart of gold. The ladies are aghast at hearing about their former maid but refuse to leave because as the Dowager Countess puts it, “It seems a pity to miss such good pudding.” Damn, LG. Even your mama is more progressive than you.
LG is also put out about Branson wanting to raise the baby as a Catholic. “He wants the child to be a left-footer,” he says and I reply, “Huh?” (Side note: Thanks to The Guardian, left-footer refers to the types of spades the Catholics used as opposed to the ones the Protestants used. But one thing is for certain, LG is once again being derogatory!) Unfortunately for him, Sybil told Mary before she died that she didn’t care if the baby is raised Catholic. Mary tells everyone this at a dinner with Travis the vicar who basically says that God has no time for non-Protestants which sends the whole table into a wonderful round of “What about the…? Does God ignore them, too?”
LG is also very put out about Branson naming the baby Sybil. “Ghoulish” is the word he used. He was outvoted on that one, too.
But LG’s biggest problem right now is Cora. He tries to move back into their bedroom but she shuts him down. Ice Cold Cora tells him the he robbed Sybil of any chance of surviving by siding with Tapsell. LG resorts to consulting his mother about the whole thing who says, “I rarely speak of the heart since it is seldom helpful to do so.” But she suggests some time apart (“Cora can go to New York and see that woman”) because “People like us are never unhappily married.” I think there should be a spin-off with Violet just looking into the camera and giving advice. Or perhaps her show can be called The Fixer. Case in point: the Dowager Countess calls upon Dr. Clarkson to downplay the chance Sybil had for surviving. “You’ve created a division between my son and wife.” The Doc doesn’t want to lie. “‘Lie’ is so unmusical a word,” she says. Such great lines she has. Well, Doc complies and tells the Granthams that Sybil had only an infinitesimal chance. He does get a quick dig at Tapsell though, just for his own relief. But it works. The Granthams fall into each other’s arms and cry. I would not have been opposed to DC breaking the fourth wall and winking at us.
Mary had told LG that “the world isn’t going your way” but the same could be said of Carson. Boy, he was mad at Mrs. Patmore for helping Ethel with the ladies luncheon. Yes, Ethel pleaded for some help (“Surely you don’t think I’ll corrupt you?”) and Mrs. Patmore sneaked into the Crawley house with some “easy” recipes for her like salmon mousse (ugh) and “lamb chops portmanteau’d” (also called “lamps”! Get it!?! Portmanteau? Look it up.)
Carson also let poor Daisy and Jimmy have it because they were foxtrotting. Yep the Love Pentagon is still going strong downstairs. Arthur wants to learn to dance for Ivy! Ivy is wearing rouge! Ivy is not Jimmy’s type! O’Brien makes Thomas think that Jimmy’s type is him! (Really, Thomas? Classic case of “hearing what you want to hear”.) Meanwhile, Mr. Mason offers Daisy the opportunity to live and learn on his farm. But what about Downton Abbey? It won’t be around forever, he says. Take the farm, Daisy.
What else did I learn from Part 5? Don’t use the phrase “bad management” when speaking to Lord Grantham about Downton Abbey as Matthew will tell you. Also, using the phrase “You mustn’t do anything stupid” to Bates can sometimes work out. It seems he did just enough threatening of his Cell Mate that Mrs. Bartlett went back to telling the truth about the pie after changing her story to Murray the lawyer. So Bates will be coming home! And Isis had a cameo! (Run back your DVRs to see the faithful pup follow Lord Grantham out of the breakfast room. Apparently, Isis doesn’t like the name Sybil for the baby either!)
Finally, I can’t decide between these two lines as my favorite:
“I suppose she has an appropriate costume for every activity.” Dowager Countess regarding Ethel.
OR
“Do I look like a frolicker?” Mrs. Patmore regarding…does it matter?
