What’s up, my little hobbledehoys?
It’s the Spring of 1920 and Downton Abbey is abuzz with wedding fever! Yes, plans are well underway for Mary and Matthew’s nuptials. We viewers were treated to many M & M flirty, wink-wink, blush conversations peppered throughout the two hour premiere. There was Strolling the Lawn Saucy Talk where Mary mentioned Matthew carrying her naked and he so Englishly responded in favor of that. There was Cora Embarrassed Saucy Talk. There was Saucy Alter Talk which almost didn’t happened were it not for Night Before the Wedding Separated By A Door Saucy Talk/Apology. Yes, there was a brief ten minutes or so when the wedding was in jeopardy because Mary was upset that Matthew would refuse Lavinia’s father’s inheritance and not give it to save Downton Abbey. (Turns out Lavinia may be this year’s Pamuk! Although I haven’t given up hope yet for the Dead Turk to be mentioned again this season. I have my drink ready to go.)
Why does Downton Abbey need to be saved? Because everyone told Lord Grantham to invest in the Canadian railroad and he lost the “lion’s share of Cora’s fortune.” Cora takes it well but Mary and the Dowager Countess do not. (WHY DID IT TAKE ME THIS LONG TO MENTION MAGGIE SMITH!?) Since Matthew is too honorable to take the inheritance, Mary and Maggie hatch a plan to sweet talk Cora’s mother into forking over some more nouveau-riche American bucks. Enter Shirley MacLaine. And her lady’s maid with the Frida Kahlo eyebrows. Shirley waltzes in with her Americanness and her indoor picnic ideas but refuses to give them money. Instead she sings a song to the Dowager Countess who had an amazing double take. Start making those gifs, people.
Sybil and Branson come to visit! Branson has a hard time fitting in and not talking about Irish revolution. That happens. He was also the victim of a drugging prank by an old suitor of Sybil’s which made him appear drunk and more Irish revolution-ranty. Matthew shows his solidarity and makes Branson his best man. Because really, who else is he going to pick? I think Isis was his only other choice.
Meanwhile downstairs, O’Brien gets her nephew the new footman job and asks Thomas to help him learn to valet. Thomas is all “hell no, I had to claw my way up” so no help to jump the line. This causes a rift between O’Brien and Thomas that results in holes in jackets and missing shirts. Arthur the nephew keeps going on with his business while being aggressively pursued by Shirley’s maid, Kahlo Brows. One of tonight’s themes is Americans have no respect for tradition and they are fast chicks.
We interrupt Downton Abbey to bring you Anna Bates, Amateur Detective. Bates is still in jail but not for long if Anna and her Miss Marple-ing has anything to do with it. She found EVIL Mrs. Bates’ diary and is trying to track down people that are mentioned in it. Bates is Bates about the whole thing (“Go to France. Let me live through you.” etc.) Even his cell mate says, “Why do you have to be so pious?” Good question, Cell Mate. Later Bates shows Cell Mate that pious can also be scrappy by threatening him and pushing him against the wall. “I forgot I was living with a murderer.” To which Bates replies, “that’s right.” Or something that was supposed to throw doubt as to whether Bates is innocent or not. I’m not convinced! He’s Bates!
What else did I learn from Downton Abbey S3, Part 1? Edith is still having love problems. She’s been pursuing Lord Strallan, he of the bad war-wound hand. He’s giving the ole “I’m too old” line to her. Lord Grantham even asks Strallan to cut off ties for her sake but Edith is not having it. I’m rooting for her. Daisy was temporarily on strike because Mrs. Patmore couldn’t hire a kitchen maid which led to the great line, “Have you swallowed a dictionary?” when Daisy made her demands. In other Patmore news, Mrs. Hughes asked her to determine if she had a lump in her breast which she did. That’s a good friend.
And the most important thing I learned? Hobbledehoy.*
*an awkward gawky youth. Thank you, Internet!
